maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize