Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
