Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize