you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
