ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
