i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
