I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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