this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Someone came in the potted fern
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
