Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
