im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
