you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
