We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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