apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
