who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize