i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
