It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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