Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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