i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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