My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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