I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
