Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize