I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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