Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
