I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i out mim tonsoeep
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