She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
