We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
