i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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