I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
