This is not my ceiling
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
