first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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