He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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