And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
