I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
