there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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