And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
