I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
