you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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