Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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