there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
