Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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