i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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