Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
