M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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