One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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