he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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