Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
