so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
