I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
