Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
