he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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