Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
