3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
