Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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