Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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