Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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