Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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