I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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