good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
