I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
