I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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