dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
