a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
