i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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