She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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